HANDBAGS LYRICS	
THE FRANCE SONG	

Mike:	Ja, das ist gut!
	
	In France, you can do many things,
	Like eat French food,
	Or other French things like tennis,
	In France, you can visit the pie shop,
	or, Kleiderschrank, I love my bedroom,
	And then you realize,
	You've wasted your time, in
	  
All:	France, Woah, France
	Let's all go to France
	I love France
	  
Tony:	I once went to, a little French town
	Where I met a guy, Pierre Le Brown.
	Stood in a maison for half an hour,
	When I awoke, up the Eiffel tower,
	Hanging upside down without any pants,
	What a great experience,
	Let's never leave France.
	France is a place to see wonders of the universe,
	Like people, stripy shirts.
	I'll stay in France 'till the day I die,
	And turn into a bird
	And the next winner of Miss World wont be Luxembourg,
	It will be Miss
	  
All:	France, Woah, Miss France
	Let's all go to France
	France
	  
Sozz:	Don't go to France,
	With their poxy little snails and poxy little games
	And poxy little, French, mental arithmetic tests,
	Woah, woah, France,
	There is no fish and chips, or Weakest Link,
	Or even, English things, like tobogganing and fire and water
	and shaky things and chocolates and money and pajamas
	and beer hats and staplers and Lego and shoes
	and radio stations that are too fucking small
	(ahem)
	  
All:	France,
	Let's all go to France,
	I love France,
	Let's all go to France
	  
Mike:	Anyway, what's wrong with France? 
Sozz:	Everything! What do you think what's wrong with it? 
Mike:	It's great! They have everything! 
Sozz:	It's bad! It's got nothing! 
Mike:	Think about it! They have them little hotdogs,
	With the buns where the sausage is actually inside the bun
	And there's no actual cut in the bun
	The buns just got a hole in it, and they shove the sausage inside
	And it makes me think, only in France! 
Sozz:	But let's think! Not in France:
	No Weakest Link, no Anne Robbinson!
	No winking at the end of the show,
	No stupid hilarious phrases
	That she says at the very end of the shows.
	It's just pathetic, I say! It's France thats bad,
	Not us, it's France! 
Mike:	Well sure they have some things that we,
	Sure they don't have some things that we have
	But, you know, what they do have is great,
	And I think it just about evens it out.
	  
All:	[Mostly Mike with some backing bits]
	France, woah, France,
	Let's all go to France
	Everyone loves France
	Let's go to France
	Let's go to France
	Let's go to France
	Let's go to France
Mike: 	I think that went quite well... 
Tony: 	Can we go home now? 
Mike:	Yeah.